Reality

I’m sitting on the floor of the living room, drinking lukewarm coffee and being used as a human climbing frame. It’s a bit embarrassing to tell you when I last showered, and I’ve been wearing the same top for a week. I keep finding chunks of porridge on my clothes as T insisted on feeding himself this morning. He has a fine coating of porridge in and around one eye as he hates having his face wiped, and will scream blue murder while you do so. I just had a call with an insurance agent and he bounced on my knee and squealed throughout the entire phone conversation, leading the agent to comment on the fact I obviously had a little one!

Moving on from being so self-entertaining last week, he now swings between playing quietly by himself, clinging to your legs and screaming when you try and put him down, or climbing up everything in sight. It’s a total gamble what he will do when you need to put him down. This adds to the fact that nothing ever gets done.

We’ve had thunderstorms and heavy rain for the last 2 or 3 afternoons, so as the laundry started piling up we finally had to relent and start using the dryer. I currently have a load in the washer, a wet load in front of the dryer and a dry load in the dryer waiting to come out. Plus countless loads still waiting to be put away. This explains T’s current outfit – socks, trousers and top, all stripy but all different colours. I need to wash up, as dirty dishes seem to breed. I need to sort the laundry, I need to walk down to the neighbour’s to get eggs so I can make quiche for tea. I need to hoover, and tidy up. I need to shower at some point soon, and change, as I keep getting a whiff of something cheesy and remembered that T puked on my top yesterday, but I forgot and wore it anyway.

But, my baby’s only a baby for a short time, and I don’t want to miss the moment he crawls for the first time. We are expecting it any day now. So I know the house is a mess, I know it winds my DH up, but we are all healthy, and it’s not at bio-hazard status yet. I will enjoy my baby while I can, and the housework can wait another hour or two. It’s certainly not going anywhere!!

 

 

 

Losing My Baby

T is fast heading towards the 7 1/2 month point, and is desperately trying to become mobile. This stage is accompanied by lots of climbing, clambering, press-ups, rocking on knees and whining and screeching when stranded on his back. He is growing so fast, and his progress is fascinating and joyous to watch. However, it is tinged with sadness, and this hit me earlier this week.

Bedtime usually involves a wash, teeth brushing (yes, he has two now!) and pyjamas, then as he’s still breastfed, he has a feed to settle him and in to his cot he goes. We try to put him into bed awake, so he learns to settle himself to sleep. On the night in question I had a migrane starting, and really couldn’t face the possible crying and fussing for half an hour, so I laid us both down on the bed and let him feed to sleep. Once asleep, I just lay and watched him, and as I did, a feeling of sadness washed over me and I wanted to cry. I felt like I was mourning what wasn’t yet lost, and I felt guilty and self indulgent for doing so. We have been so blessed to be able to have this beautiful, funny, characterful little boy in our lives,  when many others can’t. I watched his little hands, with deep dimples over his knuckles, slowly fall to rest each side of his head as he slept, and suddenly he rolled towards me and started nuzzling for more milk. I know he will grow into a handsome man who we will be proud of, but I will miss the cute, chunky little boy who is so dependent on his parents.

A couple of days later I tentatively mentioned this to DH, expecting him to think I was being a silly, emotional female. I was quite surprised when he said he felt exactly the same, like he was losing baby T, seeing the little baby disappearing day by day as the new boy T was taking over. It really is a crazy ride, I love watching him grow, learning more all the time, but you can’t help feeling sad as you know you will never get those first newborn cuddles back, or the many other special moments. They are just memories now, very precious, but memories just the same, and subject to our fallible, human brains, which may fail us in the future.

I hope I don’t offend or upset anyone who thinks I’m being selfish for feeling the way I do, but I wanted to be honest. This is me (and DH) and this is how we feel. Maybe others can relate, maybe not. We all have different journeys, and I am sharing little snippets of mine in the hope that I can entertain and maybe reassure others who have been there or are going to get there eventually. I will have to leave it there as a certain little pickle is trying out his teeth on my toe.

Self Entertainment

T is 7 months old today and has learned the art of self entertainment. This is brilliant news. His current favourite form of entertainment is to empty his toybox, flinging the contents in a large circle around him. We tidy up and put all the toys away, ready to repeat the process a few hours later. The best thing about this new skill is that we can actually do useful things, like wash up. Here’s a step-by-step guide to washing up with a self-entertaining baby.

Step 1 – Place baby on the floor next to his toy box. Make sure he’s happy and isn’t about to pull a large heavy toy onto his head before you leave him.

Step 2 – Make a cup of tea. While waiting for the kettle to boil, do those little jobs you never got to finish earlier, like clearing porridge off the kitchen floor.

Step 3 – Sit down and drink a hot cup of tea, without fear of scalding the little one. Catch up on Facebook while you sip your tea.

Step 4 – Decide you should actually make the most of the peace and quiet, and run a sink full of hot soapy water.

Step 5 – Plunge your hands into hot soapy water just in time to hear a wail of boredom.

Step 6 – Find alternative means of keeping the baby happy while the washing up sits in a sink of lukewarm, greasy water.

This is a winner every time 🙂

It’s also quite fascinating to see what they find interesting. They are discovering everything at this age, and want to know how everything works. T spent quite a while this morning opening and closing the door on the treadle sewing machine this morning. (It is fully functional, but currently functions as a budgie cage stand!) I was able to catch up on the accounts while he just opened and closed countless times.